Nurturing Relationships - 5 Golden Rules of Christian Friendship

There are important relationship skills that can enhance our friendships and our other close relationships. If we take the time and effort to learn these skills, we will learn to nurture and strengthen our relationships. Here is a list of five of the most important skills we can learn. As it happens, they are also five great rules to live by.

1. Give the gift of time

The gift of time is incredibly important. Relationships need time to develop. Trust requires time to build and to test. Intimacy requires time to get to know each other. Commitment requires choosing time with your friend over time with distractions. Love requires time to selflessly serve your friend. But especially in our modern, hectic world, giving quantity and quality of time is not something that comes naturally to us. We need to learn how to order our lives so we have time to spend with friends. Then we need to learn how to best use our time with our friends to build our relationships.

2. Engage in deep conversation - grow in intimacy

One skill that goes with learning how to use our time is learning how to engage in deep, meaningful conversation that actively nurtures intimacy with our friends. So much of our conversation centers around shallow information sharing or - worse yet - gossip. Some of it gets a little deeper and touches on opinions and thoughts that might be bit risky to share with others. But very little of our conversation reaches the depth of true intimacy - where we are sharing our dreams and fears and hopes and desires with each other. The friendship that can reach this depth of intimacy is a true treasure. It's not easy. But deep conversation is a skill that we can learn.

3. Learn the art of good listening

Like deep conversation, true listening is also rare in our relationships. True listening means more than just hearing what our friend is saying. It means hearing what she is saying in word and in body language. It means empathizing (yes, even for us guys, though we express empathy differently than women). True listening means entering into the world of our friend and lending them emotional and intellectual support. Ultimately it means listening to the heart of your friend and knowing them intimately. Like deep conversation, this is difficult. But also like deep conversation true listening is a skill we can learn and master.

4. Treasure the uniqueness of your friend

One of the greatest treasures God has created is the individual person. He has created us to live as members of His Family, but as unique individuals with our own set of gifts and personality traits, hopes and desires. God placed in the human heart a desire for relationship and connectedness. But he also placed in our heart the desire to be appreciated for being uniquely ourselves. Unity and friendship flourish when each friend shows true, authentic appreciation of the other. Is this a skill that can be learned? Well, it's a way of seeing. It sometimes requires a shift in perspective. And it's something that we need to do consciously when we drift into apathy or even annoyance at our friend's differences.

5. Forgive early and often

Forgiveness is a key trait of the Christian. It's also an important element of any relationship. When we think of forgiveness, we often think of the need to forgive great wrongs. But there is also a need to forgive everyday small annoyances, the occasional emotional coldness or distance, the careless word, the forgotten appointment, and the other little sins we commit against each other. If we don't forgive the little things, they can build up into a true challenge of our friendship. Of course, if we can't forgive the big offenses, we build walls between us and our friends. What does true forgiveness mean? Forgiveness is a choice to give up our right (perceived or real) for payback. Forgiveness means to choose to forgo revenge, or even justice, for the sake of our friend and for the sake of the friendship. In fact, when Jesus forgives us, he pays our debt for our sin himself. Forgiveness is an act for love. The skill of conflict resolution goes hand-in-hand with the choice to forgive.

If we could live these five golden rules of friendship, all of our relationships would be richer sources of joy. Fortunately for us, the love of friendship is a skill that we can learn. We can learn relationship skills that help us to complement those who differ from us and to see the gifts in others.

Bonus Tip: The easiest way to get started in your spiritual growth is to follow a proven behavioral template.

So to make things easier on you, I created a set of behavioral templates that can help you grow in an important habit in five key areas of Catholic spirituality.

You'll get an easy-to-follow diagram that leads you step-by-step through the formation of the habit.



 
 

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Friendship - Never To Be Taken For Granted

It's amazing how easy it is to take things for granted. We expect that electricity will come out of the little hole in the wall when we plug something in, the car will start the first time, and emails will arrive and be sent hassle-free. Kids, of course, expect that their mum will be there 24/7. And, even those of us with domestic blindness, will know that help finding stuff (even if what we're looking for is right in front of our noses) is not far away.

There are, however, some things we should never take for granted. One of those is the friendship of others - according to Epicurus, one of life's greatest pleasures. But we need to work at it.

It's more than what Aristotle recommended about keeping a friendship solid by consuming more than one and a half bushels of salt together. It's developing friendships over different age groups. And, when one friend departs for what ever reason, that he or she is replaced with an other. It's hardly a recent revelation that, as we age, we need a friendship-building strategy. More than 250 years ago, Samuel Johnson was emphasising the need to make new acquaintances through life.

I met a fellow recently who told me that he and his wife always attended local dances in their area and looked forward to the local 'ball season'. Their motivation, he told me, was threefold. The first was that dancing was an activity that they enjoyed. The second was that he and his wife needed to make the effort to network with people from a wide variety of areas. He said that if they didn't, others would respect their privacy and leave them alone. Their third motivation was their need to have something to look forward to. And when one event was over, there always was another one to look forward to. Almost instinctively, these folk knew that they could not take for granted being seen as key people in their community without making an effort to be included.

There is another good reason why mixing with others and making and maintaining friendships has much to recommend it. That added extra is creativity. No one has ever been able to say where an original idea comes from. Yet mixing with others, it seems, can aid the creative process where new ideas flourish. The idea-initiators may not be aware of their contributions, but that doesn't really matter.

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Why Do Women Love Having Gay Men As Friends

It really seems strange when you go out to certain places and see women that have gay men as friends, and not only that, but they actually love them and are generally comfortable with their company. Well why is this? Shouldn't a good looking heterosexual woman have more emotional feelings for the opposite sex? Especially when a gorgeous man enters a place, shouldn't they be astonished at his view and suddenly feel passion running over their body at his sight. Yes, it is indeed strange but there are obvious reasons for them to feel more comfortable having a gay male on their side. He will be considered more of an honest friend, where she can talk more freely about her personal feelings.

A gay male will be more sincere to a woman rather than a heterosexual. The real man on the other side will be more of a challenge to a woman. Even if she will likely want to be seduced by a real man, she will probably want to lift her defences, until a man decides to go up to her to try to seduce her. As friends she prefers to be in the company of her gay friends, since a gay male will have more of a personality similar to that of a woman.

This kind of friendship between a gay male and a straight woman would not have been much approved many years ago, but these days this friendship is being highly accepted around the world. This says women have found gay male friends more trustworthy and will do just about everything with them other than sex, they simply rely on them for various reasons.

Women being in a close friendship with a gay male can in better ways understand certain things about men and how they act, even if there will be some differences due to sexual reasons, offering this way an easier path for straight men. Feelings and thoughts can be shared more easily since there will be no sexual attraction between the two. Straight women also prefer gay male friends to other female friends for competition. It becomes obvious that between two women friends things just get more complicated when they are dealing with a man they could both be interested in. Many famous women are known to have gay friends by their side, and this is quite common, and also stand up for gay rights.

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Get A Woman Friend To Become Your Lover

 


You have a girl friend and you both know each other from a while, but until now you are just good friends sharing opinions, joking around and having a good time together by meeting up once and a while and going on night time to clubs and discos and just enjoying a happy friendship together. Inside yourself you slowly feel that a passion of love is flooding you and you are seriously considering to get away from this "just friends" to something more passionate and intimate where surely sex is involved. You have the desire of a real transition with this friend to an actual and strong relationship with her. In one way or another you are trying to figure out how you could possibly escape this simple friendship into something more interesting and passionate, but at the moment you are stuck in this current friend zone, and have no idea how to make the best transition possible for you and your friend, obviously hoping that she is also willing to convert you from a friend into a boyfriend or lover.

The point here is that you are thinking of your friend in a way that you are feeling an immense sexual attraction, but obviously you are asking yourself if she feels exactly the same things as you do. By trying to change things into your favour, you consider the fact that you could easily risk losing her forever, with this change in attitude, if she doesn't consider you anything other than her friend. So you want to be careful and figure out how to do this without ruining your friendship in the process.

First of all you might need to evaluate this friendship better, and simply attempt to demonstrate to her that you are willing to show less interest in her and being absent more than normal. Showing her this, and if she is really interested with you in a more intimate relationship, she will indeed suffer your absence, and will be more willing to have you back. She will then probably consider you more valuable, and if she acts this way, it's definitely a positive sign that she is feeling some love and desire for you.

In the meantime you are dating this friend, learn to not be too obsessed with her, and so just pretend to be interested in other women by dating others, even just for friendship and maybe this way you will make your somewhat jealous.

In order in to have success with your idea, you will certainly need to change your friend attitudes, like when you are sitting together, give her longer than normal eye contact, or start playing with her hair and caressing them. If suddenly you are out together and looking at shopping mall windows, and while you see something interesting, all of the sudden you take her hand and pull her slightly to your direction to show her what you have seen. These small circumstances quite surely signal a boyfriend trait.

Do not forget that you will have to stop being too nice, even if not all at once, since it is obviously a good quality during a friendship, but unfortunately if you are dealing with passion and sexual attraction, being too nice won't make you achieve the traits of a seducer, but rather those of a close and intimate friend. You only need to fool around with her and start being a little naughty by flirting and daring to be a seducer that wants passion to fly high, and so make her understand this.

Turning a friend into a girlfriend is almost every man's desire, since you know your friend quite well, and you both have experienced many pleasant moments together, and so in order to surely succeed with your plan you will surely need to adapt these attitudes that I have described.

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Friendship and Its Value

Friendship is the best relationship that a person should have to lead a more meaningful life in this world, next only to the Family system. An understanding spouse is the best friend in married life. When elders treat the juniors as friends, peace and happiness are sure to prevail. Many persons boast of a large network of friends, albeit their hollow and formal interactions. Some people think friendship is only for gaining something. Sorry, they have a selfish motive. Such friendships cannot long last and are bound to snap at any moment. People take it for granted, and they expect their friends' help without any reciprocation. Generally, people make friends with persons of equal status, age and minds. Very rarely, people of unequal status become friends, but such relationship is short-lived.

Quality and Quantity of Friendship determine the level of success and happiness in our life. Quantity refers to the number of friends one has, and the Quality represents the support and contribution made by those friends. The mental and physical capabilities of a person determine the nature of friendship. The studious students make one group while those with a strong physique form another group. In the workplace also, people having the same cadre establish an association. Aged people make their own circle. However, the friendship occurs faster within a gender.

Method to identify a True friend. Time and behavior of a person enable us to determine a good friend. Just by one incident or interaction, never admit one as a friend. The frequency of helps sought, and the reactions thereof, are a sure indicator to assess a good friend. A true relationship consists of mutual trust and help, without expecting anything in return. One step further, a true friend tolerates all the pains in transforming a bad friend into a good personality. Even if the relationship is broken due to the misgivings or the tricks played by extraneous elements, the true friends identify and rectify them towards its restoration. Friends of this sort are few and far between, and they live as Thick pals. Any friendship formed for temporary gains will break away sooner than later. The true friendship always glitters like gold whilst other relationships corrode like iron gradually.

Difference between 'Relatives' and 'Friends.' Relatives maintain a lot of formalities and expectations from us. Friends never wait for any requests or invitation, but participate and help in times of emergency. Moreover, friends do not mind the status, nationality or religion, and mingle freely and equally. Rarely, a relative behaves like a friend. Generally, good friends can become the relatives, but the good relatives cannot be our friends.

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